Relationships, with religion, with ourselves, with other people.

SO relationships, with religion, with ourselves, with other people. They're a real gasser. We hardly seem to spend time on the first two. Atleast from my western upbringing, i never had much of a religious influence, but my relationship with myself I've already been forced to look at and work on due to my own complicated path, and that which has been thrust upon me. but still there always seems more to learn and looking at the other two, maybe we can only learn more of ourselves when looking in the context of religion and relations with others. They should all go hand in hand. My relationship with myself should be reflected in both religion and relations with others. As should my relationship with religion/spirituality/the earth* be reflected in my self and my outer relationships. Therefore my relationship with others must reflect my realtionship with my self and my religion. What a wonderful, if a little wordy idea.

And they say the triad is evil.

I think this is where I am, I have this flow through all three, but all still need work. Probably more my spiritual side, since i've done little if no research or discovery there. It has only been birthed from what i know, what i have learnt of...again, myself and my relationships with others. See? It totally works. *Let me just take a second to point out or explain what i mean by religion, spirituality, soul, god or earth in these contexts. I do not refer to any set teaching but simply my own in feelings of what these words mean to me and respectively to any reader. Religion to me personally means spirituality which is having a connection and or belief of something else that ties us all together. some higher power. The term God is often given to this. I don't like this title. it just makes me think of the big man sitting in a cloud throne. My focal point of spirituallity is the Earth itself, i feel mother nature and every creation is a better focal point to pray to, thank, love, bless, and stand in mighty awe of. Don't get me wrong it is still exactly the same as in Christian or any other religion in my mind. 'God' is a power, a force, some see a being with power, but i prefer and find it more comfortable to see the power in it's natural form. I find it easier to understand and appreciate instead of putting human characteristics, flaws, expectations and questions upon it. Each to their own, but for those like me stuck with the idea of a zeus like God, let's try and open our minds a little.

But anyway let's focus on what I do know for now. Relationships with others. We all want love, simple as that. romantic, sexual, it doesn't matter, its all love. But we crave it, the intensity, the recognition, the forgiveness, the completeness, the achievement. We all need it, we all want it. It's somewhat the leading role in life, even if for half of the movie it denies it or focusses on a career path instead. So we've established that./I've argued enough to feel comfotable about discussing relationships again, while not having to feel like a female stereotype who over thinks everything. (guilty) WEEELLLLLL, a little chapter in Eat Pray Love got me thinking about relationships, letting go and moving on. Here's some quick context but it's definitely worth a read for your own reactions.

Liz has been through a messy divorce and then fell into a rather intense but bipolar relationship with a David (Oh we've all been there, am I right?). She's having trouble clearing her mind of both while mediating in India and finally breaks down and tells her friend Richard.

"I start talking and tell him every bit of it, conluding with, "And worst of all, I can't stop obsessing over David. I thought i was over him, but it's all coming up again." He says "Give it another six months, you'll feel better"

"I've already given it twelve months, Richard." "Then give it six more. Just keep throwin' six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time." I exhale hotly through my nose, bull-like. "Groceries(Richards nickname for her) Listen to me. Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it - in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India." "But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, i mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the begining. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dinky mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries - you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh." "I'm not laughing" I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but i think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because i seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probabaly the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soulmate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obsticles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. you're like a dog at the dump , baby - you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can is gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But i love him." "So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light everytim you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vaccum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in-and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block the door. Let it go."

"But i wish me and David could-"

He cuts me off. "See, now that's your problem. You're wishin too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

This line gives me the first laugh of the day.

Then I ask Richard, "So how long will it be fore all this grieving passes?"

"You want an exact date?" "Yes" "Somethin' you can circle on your calendar?"

"Lemme tell you something, Groceries- you got some serious control issues." ...

"You're totally right," I say. "I know i'm right, baby. Listen, you're a poerful woman and you're used to getting what you want out of life, and you didn't get what you wanted in your last few relatonships and it's got you all jammed up. Your husband didn't behave the way you wanted him to and David didn't either. Life didn't go your way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way." ...

"you gotta learn how to let go, Groceries. Otherwise you're gonna make yourself sick. Never gonna have a good night's sleep again. You'll just toss and turn forever, beatin' on yourself for being such a fasco in life. What's wrong with me? Howcome I screw up all my relationships? Why am i such a failure? Lemme guess - that's probably what you were up at all hours doin' to yourself again last night."

"All right, Richard, thats enough," I say. "I don't want you walking around inside my head anymore." "Shut the door, then,""

We've all had a conversation or inner monologue like this; ladies I'm guessing more than men, but there must be something in there to relate to too fellas. It may not be anything special or different from what you've probably heard but It's just simple truth. You have to believe it for it to work. You have to truly understand and accept it. Try re-reading it if it made no slight change to your opinon on such a situation.

That being said, we all feel like there could be more nutrition from some of our previous relationships, but is hard to not keep licking or looking for it. If there is something more to be had with a person then it shall come to pass in time. I thought i knew this already but trying to stay on such good terms with your exes seems to be a contradiction here. I feel like that soulmate that comes in and shakes everyone up. Maybe that's just what i give myself credit for so i don't feel the guilt of what pain i may cause people. but every important seperation in the last year has left me saying goodbye with the best wishes and peace for the person while still wanting to selfishly keep in their good books for a(possible)nother try one day. if not only as good friends.

I feel i loose nothing in a break up, but i've always been doing the breaking. Sure it feels like we loose a best friend for awhile but in my mind i will never loose or forget that friendship or intimacy with that person, there is always a chance for a reconnection because we will never loose that connection. Although i simultaneously understand that we change and grow. I don't mean to look back on what i may have had with someone, only that our future paths may possibly cross again in romance if things feel right. But if not I would happily be best man for them at their wedding. There is no love lost, but only love changed.

Break your heart open so new light can get in

and as for trying to let go, just remember

"If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vaccum there, an open spot - a doorway." what will your doorway let in?